USC Law's Finest

Scene: Couple of days ago, lunch, several 1Ls sitting at a table at Immaculate Consumption in the basement room, with the floorboards creaking above us.

Sketchy 1L: You know law school is going to be like algebra. We'll never use any of this stuff when we get out. Some old skeezeball is going to tell us how it's done, and that will be that. I bet we don't even use Westlaw. I didn't even activate my account. The Lexis one, neither.
Random 1L: Now there's a decision.

Several minutes later...

Random 1L: Man, this place is creaky. How old do you think the building is?
Sketchy 1L: Well, I don't know, but in college I lived in a house that was built around 1800. That place was creaky as hell. And drafty too. And the basement was just like this, only colder. But I rented it out to three guys, you know, made them share the one room. We hazed the shit out of them.
Me: It was a fraternity?
Sketchy 1L: No, we just hazed them. We crammed about 10 of us into the house, and I handled all the bills, so I paid about $90 a month for rent, and no utilities.
Random 1L: So you were a slumlord?
Sketchy 1L: Sort of. I told my parents that rent wass $500 a month, though, and I pocketed about $410 each month. That was back in my "cocaine phase".
Me: So you lived in a crack house basically?
Sketchy 1L: Lived in a crack house? I built a damn crack house.

5 min. later

Sketchy 1L: Man, can you imagine college without ecstasy and hookers?
Slightly Less Sketchy 1L: Yea, I'd be able to think right now, and I wouldn't be so itchy.

5 min. later after that

Random 1L: Yea, that class is pretty boring. I usually just play online poker during it.
Sketchy 1L: You play for money?
Random 1L: Not really. I'm not very good. I need to stick to games like "War".
Sketchy 1L: Shit, I lost $1,200 playin War at NY NY in Vegas last summer. I thought I could dig myself out of the hole cuz I had $600 left, but there was this fine ass hooker I was eyeing who wanted $400 dollars. I put the $600 into the game, though, and still lost it all. Should have gone with the hooker.

And a couple of more minutes later.

Sketchy 1L: Well, when this guy stopped smoking weed, he got real weird, to the point that he weirded me out, which is pretty damn amazing because I'm a pretty weird guy myself.

And finally..

Sketchy 1L: Well, I'm a good Christian and all . . . I just do a whole lot of sinning along the way.